That Feeling
by callmesnowy68
Summary: Beca narrates the flashback moments of their firsts as she reaches a conflicted moment. The things that made her crazy and laugh but yet everything is always more complicated than they seem. Please Read & Review
1. Chapter 1

**I've had Bechloe on my mind for ages now and I just can't stop thinking about them. How I imagine the sequence of events that occur for Beca to realise she loves Chloe not Jesse. Anyway this is my first Bechloe fic so hope you enjoy :) P.S Don't own anything etc the usual things.**

* * *

I saw Chloe leaning into the bench top with strands of her loose red hair hanging from the side of her face. She was huddled over a warm cup of coffee scrolling through her phone. It was definitely something I did enjoy watching. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

'Hey' I said in my sexiest I just woke up voice.

'Hey beautiful.' She turned around and kissed me softly.

'Why didn't you come back to bed?'

'Coffee.'

'Is that all I am to you now?' I joked.

'Well it's seems to be all i am to you.' She turned back around to focus on her coffee and Facebook feed.

'What are you talking about?'

'Well what I have been talking about for the past year, Jesse.' She walked to the other side of the bench. I walked closer but every step I took, she took another.

'What is happening right now?' Chloe pushed me away and stood firmly.

'Beca you can't keep doing this to me! I can't keep doing this. It hurts too much. Do you know what it is like to watch you kiss him when all I really want is for you to kiss me without hesitating or being drunk or some other ridiculous reason that you've used in the past? I need you because. URG. I love you Beca Mitchell so stupidly much and whatever this is between us I need to know what it is. I need you to tell me what we mean. What we are. I need to know if you feel the same or if you don't then I'm done! Done with all of this.'

Ok rewind. Let me, Beca Mitchell, give you some back story before you think I'm a heartless bitch. You need some context or none of what is occurring right now will make any sense. Lets rewind to about a year and a half ago. To our first kiss.

* * *

'Goddamn it! Why must it be so difficult?!' I yelled as I came into the apartment slamming the door behind me. Chloe came running out to all the commotion.

'What is going on?' Chloe asked.

'My musicians fell through which means I have no music to produce. If I don't find another artist they are going to fire me.' My voice softened in volume but not in anger.

'Beca you are going to figure out something. You always manage to find something.' She came closer and took me into her arms.

'Please I don't need one of your overly supportive hugs. I need a drink.'

'Oh I can do that.' Chloe swiftly went to the cabinet to grab some vodka. Her hug left a lingering warmth around my body, which was admittedly nice. She mixed some vodka with the remaining orange juice we had in the fridge.

'I'm just so angry! I wouldn't have lost the artist if I didn't have to listen to the protocols at work. They are so stubborn!'

'So are you.'

'Whose side are you on?'

'Yours always.' She stared into my glass of vodka with some other sugary condiment and twirled her wrist, mixing the drink a little. 'You know you could always start your own recording studio.'

'What? No I can't do that. It would be ridiculous.' I took the drink from Chloe and drank it pretty quickly. Just as Fast Chloe was topping up my drink again. 'I couldn't do that. Where would I even begin? I don't have any artists or any money for that. And even if I did that while I worked at my label they would blacklist me for betraying them. It's a brutal industry.'

'Which is why I think it would be good to have someone like you to help real artist who are genuinely passionate about the music rather than the fame. You could help develop some great musicians. You've always had a talent for it.' She handed the glass to me slowly and closed the space between us. 'It's something I've always found extremely endearing.'

'You always seem to say everything I want to hear.' I gave her my famous half smile. At least that's what Chloe calls it.

'You're killing me Becs.' Chloe smirked. There was a stillness between us. There was a shift in the way she looked at me. It might have only been a second but I saw it, though I didn't know at the time what it meant. Before I could reply she leaned in and kissed me. I was frozen with shock for a split second but I recovered just as quickly. Her lips against mine were soft and tasted of vanilla. The way her body responded with mine was intoxicating. I traced the edge of her mouth with my tongue, asking for permission with she happily granted. An animosity took over the both of us. She grabbed onto my tiny frame and lifted me onto the table and I wrapped my legs tightly around her waist. My fingers were tangled with her hair and hers were trailing up my back. It wasn't until her hand crept at the edges of my shirt did I realise what was actually happening and I pulled away.

'Huh? What's wrong?' Chloe huffed. I unwrapped my legs from her and pushed myself off of the table.

'I um… I have to call Jesse. He told me to call him after work. I'm going to shower first though. Yeah that's a good idea. Um… thanks…. For being my bartender…' I walked off in the bathroom. I placed both my hands on the edge of the sink and started doing some weird erratic leaning or stretching. To be honest I had no idea what I was doing.

'Wow. That's new.' That feeling. That feeling was very new and I wasn't quite sure what to make of it.

I knew something had changed between us from that moment on. Though it was a little more complicated than that. For the next few months we ignored the kiss. Well I did. We always treaded lightly if the tension got too intense. Or I would. Then after that one kiss the distance grew with Jesse too but things were a little more complicated than that.

* * *

 **So I hope you all like it. Do you want me to continue? I am planning it being lots of firsts between them.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Their first official date.**

* * *

Yes it's me I'm back again. So yes after the kiss, THAT kiss between Chloe and I we definitely sidestepped it a lot. It was hard considering we lived together. We saw each other practically every second of everyday because despite the awkwardness of that night, I had to admit Chloe was right. If I wanted to produce good artists I had to do it myself. Meaning I quit my job and started from scratch. Most days given I was in sweatpants regretting the very decision I made so much so that I did beg for my job back but they had already replaced me. Then despite everything that was or wasn't happening between us Chloe still helped me start up my recording studio. Now I know you might ask about Jesse's involvement. He wasn't really. He did help set up the equipment and the office but he was basically there for muscle. It seemed to be the smarter choice choosing Chloe as a business partner because there was little chance of a fall out and she did have enough to help me financially because of her trust fund that I promised to pay every cent back once I had some artists come in. Which eventually happened but I was definitely not easy to live with before my label became stable.

* * *

'This isn't going to work!' I cried. Yes there were actual tears. I was exhausted. I could barely find 1 artist who was willing to sign to BealeMitchell Productions. I insisted Chloe's name be part of the label considering she was the one that made it all possible. I had used my remaining energy pacing around the room defeatedly.

'Beca it's alright. Babe you'll be fine.' Jesse said as he lied on my bed. This was the first time in about a month since we have actually physically seen each other. It seemed a bit ridiculous considering we were about half an hour away from each other.

'You don't get it. It's been a whole month and nobody. I've had meeting after meeting but no one is willing to sign to a fresh label.'

'Trust me I get it. But you only just started the label a bit over a month ago. You're not the only one that wants someone to sign with you. Maybe once you do then I'll have my girlfriend back.' He mumbled the last sentence.

'What?' I turned towards him. Given at this point I was still pretty angry.

'Well,' he shifted uncomfortably on the bed, 'we have barely talked Becs. Ever since this record label idea got into your head it seems like nothing else matters. Don't get me wrong I do love determined Beca but I also miss affectionate Beca and… Horny beca.'

'Well I'm sorry if the lack of sex is not really your thing. I'm sorry that right now I am in the biggest mess I have ever faced because I had this brilliant idea that is now crumbling through the cracks. I'm sorry my life isn't all bright and shiny for you.'

'That's not what I meant Beca.'

'Can you just leave?'

'What? No. This is the first time in forever since I've seen you.'

'If you don't leave I will end up saying things that I will likely regret.'

'Fine. Be that way.' Jesse was pretty fed up at this point too and left, with the door slamming behind him. I fell backwards onto my bed with a huff. There was a soft knock on the door.

'Is it safe?' Chloe's voice rang through the room.

'No.' I could hear her making her way to my room and felt it when she sat next to me on the bed.

'Beca, Look at me.' Which I did. 'You'll find someone. I have the utt most faith in you.'

'Well you shouldn't because I did just blow all your money on a company that only has 1 employee and that's me.'

'Things take time Beca. Like you said it's only been a month. There is still plenty of time. Beside I can't think of a better investment to spend my money on. I've bet on a gold mine.' She offered me a smile. God was it an amazing smile.

'I've reached out everywhere and nothing.'

'You will because you're, as Amy would say, Beca F-ing Mitchell and I believe in you.' She took my hand into hers and placed it in her lap. 'You know what you need?'

'What?'

'Come out with me.'

'No I have work.'

'As official cofounder of this label I order you to have a break. Come out with me. It will be a quite date. I promise.'

'Date?' I faintly asked, suppressing the growing smirk on my face. 'Jesse-'

'Smmessy who cares. Beside he did just walk out on you. Also calm down not a date date, though I do love how you thought that.' I blushed bright red. 'It's cute honest. Say yes.' She was not talking no for an answer. She pulled out all the stops. Even those puppy dog eyes, which was incredibly cruel.

'Fine! Ok you win.'

* * *

We ended up having a suspiciously romantic candle lit dinner and we had a very nice stroll home.

'No split bill, candles, and wine? If I didn't know better I would think you are trying to seduce me.' I laughed.

'Maybe I am.' Chloe chimed.

' _Chloe.'_

 _'Becaaaa_. I just… We haven't talked about that night. Yes I get alcohol was involved but a kiss like that can't just be because of intoxication.'

'I'm with Jesse.'

'I notice how you didn't deny that the kiss meant more.'

'I can't do this Chloe. We just started a label together. If this become complicated then everything does.'

'I get it. Just so you know though I'm still going to go for it.' She said just before me pulled me closer and kissed me. The past month of pent up feelings were emerging. I drew her closer to me, closing any space between us. Her lips were so sweet and her arms around me were comforting. Something I desperately needed for so long. After the heavy make out session outside our front door my brain sated working again and I realised what had happened. I pulled away so fast that Chloe had a dazed and confused expression when I looked back at her.

'No this can't happen.' I was basically chanting it as a mantra of sorts when I was trying to get the door to open.

'Beca,'

'No, no, no'

'Beca.' She said it with such a force that I turned around to face her. 'I'm sorry.' Was all she said as she walked past me and into her room not to be seen again. At least until morning when everything seemed normal and Chloe acted as if nothing happened. She was just her bubbly self.

See why everything was so confusing?! And I haven't even gotten to the good part!


	3. Chapter 3

**The first of many drunken escapades.**

* * *

So basically I was left confused for the next week. I started to think that our date was a complete hallucination on my part. I legitimately thought I was going a little crazy because Chloe acted as if nothing at all had occurred. She was still bubbly and practically prancing around the house with was no different from normal. Jesse and I hadn't talked either since our fight. At the time I think our pride got in the way of our reconciliation. Neither of us wanted to be the one who folded first. Eventually he did call but that's a story for another day.

Anyway, as I was saying I was very lost about what was going on between Chloe and I but I refused to be the one to bring it up first, yet again probably not the best decision on my part. Stacie came to visit us for the weekend. She stopped by because she was on an all round trip around the US.

'Hey Pitches!' Stacie roared as I opened the door.

'Oh my god Stacie what are you doing here?' I embraced her with a smile spread across my face.

'Well I figured I was passing by anyway so I wanted to come visit you guys.'

'Stacie!' Chloe yelled when she saw us at the door and came crashing towards us with open arms. 'I'm so happy to see you.'

'You too Chlo.'

'Where are you staying?'

'Um… I'm not entirely sure yet.'

'Stay with us. You can sleep in my room. I'll just bunk with Becs.' I started to argue but stopped. This was a normal thing for us. If one of the Bella's came to stay Chloe would offer up her bed and would end up rolling around on the couch before I took pity on her in my bed. Now we didn't even bother with the couch dance.

'Um.. Yeah stay with us.' My brain was running at a million miles a minute. I didn't know what to think. We kissed. TWICE. And yet somehow none of this seemed to have any affect on Chloe's behaviour.

'Cool. So are we going to party tonight or what?' Stacie asked.

'Yes!' Chloe dragged Stacie into the apartment. And so that night's activities were set.

* * *

Getting in a drinking competition with Stacie was probably one of my worst ideas. To be fair it technically wasn't even my idea. I made some stupid joke about how my tiny self could out drink her and then things got a little out of hand. We were taking shot for shot. After about 6 I was done. I can't hold my liquor but do you blame me?! I am a tiny human being! Very tiny! The rest of the night kind of followed the same path. Stacie ended up grinding with some guy never to be seen again. Chloe and I were drunk off our asses. We left the club at about 3am laughing our way home.

'Just watching you try and out drink Stacie was definitely the highlight of the night.' Chloe spoke as she opened the door to our apartment.

'Screw you. I'm little.' I laughed. Most of our words were slurred because we were THAT drunk. We were tripping over ourselves trying to get our shoes off. 'God my feet hurt so much.'

'What are talking about? You wore converse heel things.'

'Note the word heel used in that sentence.'

'Whatever.' Chloe stumbled towards my bedroom. I on the other hand was disappearing to the bathroom to clean the make up from my face.

'You know, you could sleep in your own bed tonight. Stace is probably going to be sleeping at that boy toy's house.' I yelled across the hall. I pulled at my dress as I walked back into my room. 'This thing is so annoying.' I struggled to get it over my head, when I felt two hands pushing the dress with me.

'Yes but we both know the walk of shame will happen and then she will be out like a light until sundown.'

'Fine.' I grunted when the dress finally came off. I froze. At least I thought I did because I'm pretty sure at the time the room was moving. Chloe seemed to have removed her dress while I was in the bathroom. She took my hand and dragged me to the bed.

'I want cuddles.' Chloe slurred.

'Chloe. No.'

'Beccaa please. Cuddles.' She whined.

'Fine cuddles.' I just want to say in normal circumstances I would never use the word cuddles. Just no. But I was very drunk. So I somehow ended up as the big spoon, which of course makes Chloe laugh because her spoon was so much bigger than mine. She could not lay still.

'Stop wriggling. This is far too difficult.'

'Switch. I wanna be the big spoon.' She proceeded to roll on top of me and paused. 'I really like kissing you.' She smiled.

'I have heard I'm a fairly good kisser.' I quipped.

'You are. I kind of want to kiss you now.'

'Chlo'

'I bet you taste sweet.'

'I-' She cut me off by pressing her lips against mine. Once she kissed me all my inhibitions disappeared. Given I was past the point of drunkeness that I probably didn't have much control over anything at all. We fought for dominance and Chloe won out. Her body moving against mine. I got carried away and moaned when her lips trailed down my jawline. This just seemed to encourage Chloe. We were already both hot and bothered when the remaining of the material that separated us came off.

'Do you want to?' Chloe asked as she broke our kiss. I do recall making a face of disappointment as her lips left mine.

'Yes.' I whispered in her ear.

* * *

And that was it. Our first time. No I'm not going to tell you the intimate details perv. Well not yet anyway… Mainly because I actually don't remember much of that night at all. I'm pretty sure the sex was pretty messy. Anyway when I woke up I was so confused. I saw Chloe's naked body next to mine, her face so close I could feel her breath against my face. My mind didn't register what had happened. Everything from last night was such a blur until little images flooded back to me. Kissing, nakedness, Chloe inside me, Me inside Chloe and so much more. I backed away from her and gathered up my clothes. I got dressed and left the room. As Chloe predicted Stacie was in fact passed out on her bed. I sat on the couch to process everything.

So that was the beginning of our many drunken adventures. This went on for a two months. It started out with both of us very drunk and leading to sex but eventually it ended up with one of us drunk, mainly me, crawling into the bed of the other to have sex. The mornings got better. No abrupt exits. But morning always seemed to be a reset button, especially with Chloe, acting as if nothing happened. So I followed suit. Acting as nothing happened.

I told you it was confusing. I could barely sort through my issues with Jesse let alone process my feelings for Chloe while trying to find an artist. Things did not get easier. Trust me.


	4. Chapter 4

**The First Twinge of Jealousy**

* * *

Let's continue with the story yeah? Ok good. So like I said I was drinking more and I would find myself in Chloe's bed the next morning. One of those things that aided my drinking was Jesse. We fought constantly now. I would get mad at him for not understanding the difficulty of trying to start a new business, a record label no less, and he would get angry at me for not being there and not understanding that he too had a life and he couldn't drop everything for me whenever I wanted his attention with was hardly ever now. Now you are probably questioning why I hadn't dumped him yet, well I had plenty of reasons.

First of after we argued we would have hot, angry make up sex AND before you start murdering me let me explain. From a certain perspective it might seem like I am using Chloe because I would be the one who ended up drunk and I would be the one that ended up in her bed because of it. But honestly the brush off of the night, pretending like nothing had happened between us, and this was just some physical act and not some emotional fantasy parade that I was getting from Chloe made me extremely insecure. I didn't know where I stood with her. To be honest I didn't really want to know because that would mean I would have to confront everything I felt for her and that terrified me. With Jesse I knew what he felt despite all of our fights. It made sense when nothing with Chloe did.

Secondly, Jesse and I had a lot of history. Not to say that Chloe and I hadn't had history but it was just different. I had gotten so used to letting my guard down that it became easy not to use one with him. Given though the guard was slowly building back up because I felt too guilty with what I did with Chloe that I couldn't let myself be completely with Jesse even through angry make up sex.

Thirdly, I had myself convinced that the thing between Chloe and I was just drunken sex that didn't count. I couldn't be in control of my actions and therefore it wasn't me. At least that was what I kept telling myself. I built this idea in my head for so long that I was convinced that even if I did leave Jesse I would be alone and I didn't want to be. Yes this is very uncharacteristic of me but after letting myself need people, aka The Bellas, Jesse and Chloe in particular, I was terrified of being alone again.

There is honestly an endless list of reasons but one in particular reason why I clung as hard as I could to Jesse. One night Chloe wasn't there when I came stumbling in drunk. She was gone. Not disappeared, just not in the apartment. Now I see that Chloe had every reason to because of course drunk sex is not exactly ideal but as I have stated many times before I was hurt and confused.

* * *

So yes one night Chloe didn't come home. I can stumbling in through the door and called out her name. There was no answer. I walked through every room and she was nowhere to be seen. She wasn't there in the morning either. I was taking my frustration out on my closet. No artist and no Chloe. Sometimes when my life was completely cluttered I need to work on things that I can physically change. I had an alarming amount of flannel clothing and dark clothes, though then again I do prefer it. I was taknen back a little when I saw the old Bella uniform though. The navy vest, black jeans with zips of both sides and the yellow scarf. It took me back. So much so that I decided to rewatch our old performance tapes. After about 2 hours I stumbled across our worlds performance. Then I saw Emily. And she was singing Flashlight. I had honestly forgotten what had started my entire career. Then it clicked. Emily! She was going to be the one to start everything. After Flashlight got big Emily's name died off because she wanted to finish college and lead the Bella's to the numerous victories after we left. Before I could call her, Chloe came bursting in. Drunk. To be truthful I was relieved. And I kind of wanted to be the one that was sober though I didn't know it at the time.

'Chloe! Where were you? I was getting worried you died.' I stood up to meet her.

'Oh Becs! Hi, hi!' She was a little louder than usual. She embraced me but she kind of tripped over me and struggled to stand.

'Ok there tipsy. Let's get you to bed.' It was difficult for me to carry Chloe's larger self but I managed to get her to bed only to have my arms trapped under her weight.

'Chloe you're going to have to let me go.'

'mmmm.' She was very far gone at this point, on the brink of sleep. The only sign that she was still slightly conscious was the fact she kept pulling my other arm closer to her.

'I can't move.' I did stop try after a while because it seemed very pointless.

* * *

I woke up to Chloe's signature fruity smell and lingering smell of whiskey. My arms were still around Chloe. She was so calm when she was sleeping. So unknowing and oblivious to the world. I got carried away in the moment. I brushed my hand along her arm. I moved slowly and I laced my fingers with her and pulled her closer. Chloe jolted all of a sudden and I was taken back.

'Oh hey.' Chloe said turning to face me.

'Morning there.' I quickly untangled myself from her. 'Good night?'

'Amazing.' She paused and the biggest smile spread across her face.

'What?'

'I met someone.' I wanted to jump up and do something, anything but I didn't know what. So I stayed still. 'I really like her.'

'Oh. Um. So… what's her name?' I shifted uncomfortably.

'Hanna. She is so amazing so unbelievable I feel like she is the who can help me-' her sentenced stopped.

'Help you what?'

'Nothing.'

'Chloe. Secrets really?'

'Help me move on. From you.' I was completely taken back. In the back of my mind I didn't want her to move on. It was selfish of me but I wanted her. Though it didn't make sense until later.

'Oh right yeah totally.' I started to act weird which caught Chloe's attention. I started to make the bed and rush out of the room organising whatever was out of place.

'What?' Chloe said as she followed me.

'I just. I just didn't realise that you needed to get over me. I just. Hmmm.'

'You, Beca Mitchell are acting extremely weird.'

'No I'm not.'

'You're not?'

'Nope.' I went to the fridge to get the milk out.

'Oh I get it.'

'Get what?'

'You're jealous.'

'What? No that's ridiculous. Pfft. Nope.' I went to get my cereal from the cupboard.

'It's not completely unfathomable.' Chloe was clearly hurt.

'I-'

'Don't worry about it.' She brushed me off and went back to bed. What happened next surprised even myself. It was the first time I admitted anything to Chloe. The moment I actually let my guard down. I didn't know what was happening because I could see was Chloe upset. I was acting on impulse because for a spit second I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know. I took a piece of paper and wrote something and slipped it under her door. It said:

 _"I am jealous. Very."_

That note started a rollercoaster of mess.


	5. Chapter 5

**The First Real Moment of Intimacy**

* * *

The last time I left thing story I mentioned a rollercoaster of mess. And boy I was not wrong. That note started it all because it meant something. For me, the note meant that as much as I tried to hide it, I felt something and it was the first time I admitted it out loud. For Chloe, it meant that there was something real between us because it was the first time I was completely sober that gave a sliver of myself to her. It was the first time I didn't push her away when I was confronted with our relationship.

So it began. The game of stolen glances. It was not a frequent act, at least it didn't start off that way. At first it was just as she was coming home. I watched how she would fumble to get the keys out of the door and get tangled in her abundance of clothing that layered her. It baffled me how someone that seemed so regal at times could be so uncoordinated with taking off her jackets, though she was juggling shopping bags contained with god know what but Chloe did enjoy shopping. I got lost in the little uncharacteristic motions that came out of her struggle that I never realise Chloe's eyes would be falling towards me either on my laptop, on my phone or reading on the couch. Then I started to notice so many things about her I never did before. For example whenever she cooks she would always reach a point of frustration, no matter how many times she has prepared the meal before, because every time she strives for perfection. This would always leave strands of her orange hair to fall over face, shielding her cheek from my view. After noticing my silence watching her, Chloe would look up at me and smile, her famous smile that could stop the world from spinning just for a second. Though apparently the glances we not all one sided. I remember before everything got complicated, a story for another time, I caught Chloe watching me create a new mix on my laptop. I was so focused that when I finished all I could see was Chloe mesmerised, though at the time it took a while to recognise the look. When she realised I caught her staring, a bright red blush spread across her cheeks before glancing away. She also started bring me coffee every morning. There was no explanation just my favourite cup sitting on the bench where I was. I wasn't exactly the most pleasant if caffeine didn't enter my system at least once a day. But the first real moment I knew that every made sense occurred on a Sunday. I didn't know what I was making sense of but I could feel it.

* * *

It started off as an average Sunday. Nothing spontaneous about it at all. I woke up, had breakfast, watched some TV then I got bored because let's face it TV never interested me all that much. The only reason why we have one is because Chloe insisted on getting Netflix. So when times of boredom became desperate I took my laptop out and started on a new mix. I decided to reside on the couch because the sun was shining through the glass doors, lighting up the room. I had just started a mash up when Chloe walked into the living room and placed a cup of coffee on the table beside me and sat in the matching armchair across the room where she generally sat. She smiled when she placed my coffee down, one I was happy to return. Chloe knew how the murmurs from the TV bothered me when I was making a mix, even through my headphones so instead she picked up her book and started reading. She had tucked her legs underneath her and wriggling around until she was in a sitting position that satisfied her. I continued with my mix but ever now and again I would catch a glimpse of her orange hair from my peripheral vision. I would subtly (At least I thought I was subtle. According to Chloe though I was not) look towards Chloe. There was 1 moment that made me look twice when I was in the middle of my mix. The sunlight was just beginning to hit the edges of her hair, illuminating the orange. The fiery temper of her hair contrasted with her stillness. She was completely immersed in her novel. One hand holding the book while the other was clenched into a fist while resting on her cheek. She was leaning on the edge of the armrest that it looked like she was going to topple over the chair completely but she didn't. I don't know what it is but seeing someone doing something they love or doing something that has their full, undivided attention always fascinated me. Seeing Chloe Beale transfixed was an image that I would never be able to describe to you without doing it a disservice. I must have been staring for far too long because eventually Chloe looked up at me and saw me staring though this time she didn't shy away. She locked her eye onto mine. After a minute of intensive staring she placed her book aside and came over to the couch and sat down. She took my legs that were sprawled over the length of the couch (the parts I could reach anyway) and placed them on top of hers so she would be sitting on them. I let my headphone slip from my ears.

'So what are you mixing?' She smiled.

'Oh uh nothing too serious. I'm just dabbling.'

'Beca Mitchell doesn't dabble. Can I listen?'

'Yeah sure.' I made the motion of taking my headphones off but instead she turns one upside down and connects her ear to it. Her face inches away from mine. I attached the other side to my ear and pressed play. Watching her facial expressions change through the chord progressions and bass drops were definitely unforgettable and indescribable.

'Wow Beca. This is really good. Like I know I say that all the time about your work but I'm serious. It's really quite amazing. You have a hell of a talent.' She turned my way without changing the distance between our faces. The suddenness of her movements took me by surprise but I didn't move a single muscle. I stared at her eyes and then her lips. I wanted to kiss her. The anticipation of our kiss grew as she slowly moved closer. Just as our lips touch my phone rings. Chloe moved back a little to give me room to get my phone. I huffed in frustration and reached for my phone. I saw Jesse's name appear on the screen and so did Chloe. Immediately her demeanour changed and she went to the kitchen in a hurry. I picked up.

'Hey Becwa what's up?'

'Nothing. Is there anything in particular I can help you with?'

'No… I just wanted to say hi to my beautiful brooding girlfriend.'

'Well she's busy.'

'Becs?'

'We'll talk later yeah?'

'Um.. Sure.' I hung up pretty quickly and almost ran to the kitchen to find Chloe preparing lunch. I moved closer and she took no notice.

'What do you want for lunch? I feel like a sandwich. You want one? If not I could always do a salad or wrap?'

'I actually just want to rewind like 20 seconds.'

'So do I.' I stepped closer but she sidestepped me. 'But Jesse. I cannot be the other woman and I'm not going to be. So sandwich or salad?' The sentence came out so neutral that I almost didn't register what she said.

'Um sandwich I guess.'

'Cool.' And that was it.


	6. Chapter 6

**The First Album Debut Party**

* * *

Jesse ruined it. After that phone call the glances didn't really stop, neither did the little things like the coffee in the morning, but the proximity stopped. We were never in the same room together for very long and our conversations were light and brief before Chloe had some other plans. And amongst this mess of crazy I, of course, was working with Emily. Senior year had just concluded and she was incredibly excited to start making her album. It was like she hadn't changed at all. She was still the excitable little puppy when she came bursting through our door. Of course working with Emily did have her memorable moments. Like the time that she almost broke a microphone because she spun around to quickly without evaluating her surroundings or the time we were working late and I told her to take a 10 minute break and later found her drooling on the break room table. Though there was one defining moment between us that has never wavered from my memory.

* * *

We had just finished recording one of her songs. I had closed my eyes and began listening to it all the way through. I was so captured by the song that I didn't realise Emily standing next to me.

'Oh hey Em. It's really great. I've got to say it's probably one of my favourites.'

'Yeah one of mine too. Actually I wrote it for Benji just as I was beginning to fall for him.' She paused before she spoke again. 'Is everything okay with you and Chloe?'

'Yeah why do you ask?'

'Oh no nothing really. I've just noticed a lot of tension between the two of you since living with you guys.'

'Yeah. Things have been different.'

'Did you guys break up or something?'

'Break up? We aren't together.' I was baffled. Clearly my facial expressions were obvious because Emily started to ramble.

'Oh God. I'm sorry I assumed because you guys were living together and everything. And just… Never mind. Just forget I said anything.' There was an awkward silence between us before I spoke.

'What made you think we were together?'

'Oh come on you know.' I kept staring at her. 'Oh you really don't know. Right. Ok. You guys were so inevitable. At least I'm pretty sure everyone else thought so. I've heard stories about the shower stall.'

'She burst in midst my shower!' I defended.

'Yeah but it was always lingering eye gazing at each other. You leaned on each other so much I was convinced you were a couple until I saw you kiss Jesse that one time. And considering I haven't seen Jesse at all I thought that you had finally come to your senses and realised how in love with you Chloe was and vice versa.'

'In love?'

'Yeah.' I looked down at my hands and muttered this time.

'I'm still with Jesse. We are just having problems.'

'Oh yeah totally I get it. All relationships go through drama. Benji and I are certainly not perfect but he does like to try.' Her smile was almost instinctual. It was cute to see that after this long, the thought of Benji made her smile.

'You guys are too cute.'

'Thanks.' I must have had some weird conflicted expression because she placed her hand on my shoulder and her voice turned seriously. 'Can I just ask you something?'

'Yeah?'

'There is a thing between you too isn't there. Anything you say will not leave this room I swear.'

'Yeah.' I admitted out loud for the first time.

'And you don't want to hurt Jesse?'

'Yeah.'

'And you don't know who you want more?'

'Something like that.'

'Ok I know it's weird getting advice from me but there may have been a situation with a certain music prodigy that came to Barden that placed me a similar situation.'

'What?! No! not you and Benji!'

'We're fine. We're good. But at the time I had to decide who I wanted more.'

'And?'

'It came down to one question. Who was the one person that I wanted when everything started to click in my life? That one person I wanted to share my moments with. And I chose Benji because even though music prodigy was talented, he came at a time I need a clutch because things got pretty bad. But in all honesty I couldn't have gotten through it if it wasn't for Benji.' I didn't say anything for a while because I didn't know the answer.

'Oh god when did this become a counselling session. Get you butt back in that booth.' I laughed. Even though everything resumed to a working pace that question never left me.

* * *

It was the night the album was about to launch. Chloe obviously suggested throwing party and of course that's exactly what she did. She basically redid the whole apartment with posters of Emily on the walls. It was weird seeing enlarged pictures of her face as I walked to the bathroom that morning. All the Bella's came as well as Emily's other friends from Barden. It was a big turn out. Everyone was dancing and drinking though it did reach a point that we were drunk that a riff off between the old Bella's and the new Bella's seems like a good idea. Let's just say you can never fail if you bring it back the the basics. Nearing the end of the night everyone was pressuring me to make a speech. I reluctantly gave into peer pressure.

'Hi everyone as most of you know I'm Beca. I just wanted to say thank you for all coming and I also just wanted to say how grateful I am that the talented, beautiful Emily Junk decided to work with me. None of this could have happened without her or Chloe who has been suffered our frustration for the past few months. This is going to be the start of new for all of us. Cheers.'

'Cheers!' Everyone else replied and chinked their glasses together.

'So I guess congratulations is in order.' Chloe's voice rang behind me. I turned to face her. She was so beautiful

'You know I couldn't have done any of this without you.'

'Yeah I know.' She smirked. 'I'm proud. Look at your girl.' She pointed at Emily and she was surround by the old Bella's. Everyone was focused on Amy doing whatever it is she was doing.

'You mean look at our girl.' I said. 'It's the BealeMitchell Productions remember?'

'But you did it. I always knew you could.' Our eyes locked and a minute had passed before she stiffened a cough. 'Um where's Jesse?'

'Oh. I don't know actually. I don't think he could make it. He said some personal issue came up.'

'So personal that he couldn't make it to his girlfriend's amazing party, celebrating the first every album she produced herself? His missing it. Missing out on all of it.' A smile spread across her face. It was the first time in an awful long time since I had seen her infamous smile. That was it. The moment I knew.

'It's you.'

'Hmm?'

'It's you. The person I want to be with me when everything makes sense. The person I want to share my moments with.' I hadn't even though of Jesse the entire night until Chloe mentioned his name. I didn't think twice about him not being there. Earlier that night before the party started Chloe was trying on dresses and when she wore the red sleeveless dress that she was currently wearing I was astonished. That moment took my breath away and stayed with me the entire night and I didn't realise it until then.

'What are you saying?'

'I'm saying I want you Chloe. Only you.'


	7. Chapter 7

**The First Intended Break-Up *There is a little smut. You were warned***

* * *

'God you have no idea how long I've waited for you to say that.' Chloe pulled me closer and whispered in my ear. Let's just say the party came to a halt pretty much after that.

* * *

'Bye.' I said to the last person before shutting the door. Before either of us said a word I closed the distance between us and kissed her. Chloe was not so much as stunned as she was taken by surprised a little when I did but she quickly recovered and drew me closer.

'Bed. Room.' She managed to mutter through our kisses. I gladly obliged and led her to my bedroom and shutting the door behind me. My motions were a little rough in anticipation as I pushed her onto the bed. I did pause momentarily because of Chloe in her dress was almost too much to take in. She ran her hands through her hair and looked back at me with a smirk growing on her face. She used my paralysed state against me and stood up, this time sitting me down on the bed. She leaned in pressing her lips against mine before turning around and motioning me to unzip her dress. Once I did the image of Chloe painfully slowly sliding her dress down her hips and purposefully arching her back as she did has forever been ingrained into my memory. Chloe turned around and straddled me.

'You need less clothes.' Her sentenced broken up by her heavy breathing. She slid off my jacket and took off my shirt in one swift motion, our lips not touching. She laid me down on the bed tugged at the edges of my leather pants. She was torturing me with her movement so I helped her take my pants off.

'So impatient though this is better. Much better.' she spoke before I sat up, meeting her lips with mine. I pushed her up on the bed rolling on top of her, without ever removing my lips from hers. I was taken back when I could feel her hands push my shoulders away from her.

'What's wrong?' I questioned, obviously wounded which Chloe picked up on.

'Oh no nothing horrible so you can stop pulling that face. I just wanted to freeze this moment for a second. To see if this is real or if I'm dreaming all of this. Waiting for those words was the most exhausting thing I have done and now you've said them… It just this is the first time. The first time we are both sober, for the most part, and we both want this. I want to make sure we are real.' She brushed the side of my cheek as she stared into my eyes. I took her other hand and placed it over my chest above my heart.

'Can you feel that?' I was barely audible but she was close enough to hear. She nodded. 'Then you feel how fast my heart is racing. This feeling that I'm feeling right now, my heartbeat, it's because of you. Feel the beating in my chest and tell me this isn't real.' Her hand rested there and she closed her eyes. I could tell she was counting my beats and a smile formed on my face. Her hand trailed up my chest and drew the back of my neck closer to kiss me. My hands moved along the sides of her body and I could feel Chloe's body move against mine. Our kiss intensified, almost animalistic. We fought for dominance but I eventually won out. My hands moved past the edge of her underwear and pressed against her. Her breath hitched. I played with her sensitivity and I could feel how wet she was.

'Please.' She breathed into my ear. That was all I needed. I slipped inside of her and she elicited a moan. My finger started to build in rhythm and I added another just as I could hear her moans become louder.

'Oh God! Shit! Oh Fuck! God Beca!' I could feel her coming undone at my touch. I added my thumb to move against her clit and in seconds she unravelled. I left my fingers inside of her until I could feel her slowly let go. Her body vibrated and took a moment for her to regain her senses.

'I've got to say, you are incredible when you are not drunk off your ass.' Chloe laughed.

'You bitch.' I said kissing her.

'Just give me a moment. I'm pretty sure I can change your mind.' She said has she trailed kissed down my stomach. And boy did she change my mind.

* * *

I woke up to find myself ravelled up in bed sheets, but no Chloe. I began to panic until I saw her standing at the door wearing nothing but an oversized t-shirt, which was clearly not mine considering my oversized t-shirts probably would have fit her nicely.

'Morning.' She spoke as she crawled back into bed.

'Hi.' I said leaning into her kiss.

'Just so you know, you guys have extremely thin walls!' Emily yelled from the living room.

'Oh god no.' I blushed bright red. I hid my face underneath the blanket. Chloe pushed away the blankets and pulled me in for a kiss. Our lips touch softly at first and then soon after I traced my tongue around the entrance of her mouth to asking for permission she happily granted. I dragged her with me on the bed so she was on top of me but quickly stopped.

'Emily.' I whispered.

'Well then you will have to try and not scream. Though I have to admit hearing you scream my name is pretty hot.' Chloe smirked, as if I needed any more encouragement. I pulled her towards me when my phone rang. Jesse. I sat up quickly and looked between Chloe and my phone. I picked up on the 11th ring.

'Hey Becs. I'm sorry I couldn't make it. Can I see you? I really need you right now.'

'Yeah sure. I'll meet you at your place soon.'

'I can come over. I don't want to be that guy who makes you come over after ditching you last night.'

'No it's fine. See you soon.' I hung up. Chloe was getting dressed now.

'Hey where are you going?' I pouted.

'Don't you have somewhere to be?' I could hear the distaste in her voice.

'Yes. In fact I do. I'm meeting up with Jesse.'

'Of course.' She huffed in frustration. And hurried her process of getting changed.

'To break up with him because I just want you.' She froze just as she slid some pants on. She turned and walked towards me.

'So this is really happening then? We're giving it a try?' She asked hoping, not yet smiling just in case.

'Only if you want to.'

'Yes.' She came crashing into me and after that morning Emily decided to invest in some earplugs.

* * *

It took a while to get to Jesse's but I did get there eventually. Jesse didn't answer the first few times when I ran the doorbell. After the 5th time he buzzed me up.

'Hey what's-' I stopped to see Jesse crying as he opened the door. He pulled me into a tight hug and his sobs got louder on my shoulder. I had never seen him like this before. 'What's happening?' I pushed him up enough so I could see his face.

'Beca. My mum died last night in hospital.'

'What?!'


	8. Chapter 8

**The First Break**

* * *

You didn't see that coming did you? Yeah neither did I. It turned out that Jesse's mother was in a car accident where there was a drunk driver who stupidly ran a red light. She was unstable through the night while in the ICU and passed during the night. I said argued that he was stupid for not calling me but he just wanted me to enjoy my night and not have the day to be forever associated with his mother's death. I, of course, stayed the night with him. Even through the years of dating I had never once met Jesse's mother so I couldn't feel the impact of her death. Yes, it was devastating but what hurt the most was seeing Jesse hurt. He has honestly never been in this state before, at least not that I have seen. I loved him, I really did though not in the way I used to, and so it pained me to see him like this. So you guessed it I didn't break up with him. When I told Chloe she took me into her arms and held me tightly. Without saying a word she knew I didn't break up with him and she understood why I didn't but everybody's patience has a limit.

* * *

Two months had passed since Jesse's mother had passed. We went to the funeral hand in hand and his eulogy had everybody in tears including myself. Slowly I helped gathered Jesse's life together again. I shouldered his mourning because I knew he couldn't do it alone, but along side it I carried guilt. The nights I spent with Jesse I felt guilty being with him instead of Chloe and vice versa. And because Jesse needed me more I spent most of my time with him. But there will always come a point when excuses, whether they are good or bad, stop working.

'It's been two months Beca.'

'I know but he just lost his mother.'

'Yes and I know that but you can't keep dragging him along either. It's not fair to him. Or to me.'

'I know but he needs someone and I know what he is going through.'

'What do you mean?'

'After my parents got divorced when I was younger, my mother left. She has never reach out to me and I don't even know where she is. So I know what it is like to lose a mother, at least in varying degrees.'

'God I'm sorry I never knew.'

'I don't expect you to. I've never told anyone.'

'I need you too.' It was barely a whisper. 'And I get it but I can't keep doing this to myself.'

'He needs me. If I break up with him he isn't going to want me in his life and I need to be in his life.'

'I know.' She said defeatedly. 'I know this and yet I still let you use me.'

'Using you? I'm not using you.'

'Oh no? You get everything of me and I get what? A part of you that I need to share with someone else? You get Jesse and you get me. The only difference is that I'm your secret while Jesse can tell the world that he is with you. I know it's only been two months but Jesse is finally in a better place.'

'Which is why I can't break up with him. Not now anyway. If I do I will send him back in a downward spiral.'

'You care so much about his stability and yet little for mine.' She turned away from me and fell onto the couch behind her. 'Beca, I can't be the other woman for you. It hurts too much knowing that even though you're with me, you're with him. When I touch you all I imagine is his fingers being where my fingers have been. I can't share you.' Tears formed on the bottom of her eyelid. She hid her face from mine by hiding behind her knees that were curled up with her body.

'You're not the other woman for me though Chloe. You are the only one I want to be with.'

'You can't keep saying those things to me.' She got angry now. 'I waited for you for almost 8 years for you to only just realise that you love me. Might I mention that you haven't even said those words to me?! Then for the next 11 hours I had so much hope because you chose me. You promised me that you were finished with Jesse because I am the one that you wanted to spend your moments with. Well guess what?! You're missing them!'

'Please just give me a little more time. He is still mourning.'

'I've already waited for so long. Life moves one Beca.' She paused now and huffed. 'I know that you can never really get over someone dying, especially your mother. But there comes a point that you can no longer use it as an excuse to protect him. It has an expiry date. And it's so obvious who your choice is so I'm not going to bother.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Isn't it obvious? You're going to choose him because you always do. And if I say anything or tell Jesse about us I would be the bitch in the scenario. I have held on so tightly that I didn't even realise when you were falling from my grasps.'

'Wait. Don't do this.' At this point tears began to build up and I was crying.

'What annoys me the most is that it's what I love the most about you as well. You always care so much about others even though I know that you try so hard not to let anyone else see. And I know that if the roles were reversed between me and Jesse you would do the exact thing because that's who you are. But this is me. I am not some mistress on the side. So this has to end.'

'Chloe no. Please.'

'I have to. I can't wait for eventually. It's if's with you. All I can say is that I may not be available when your ready. And don't worry about the company. You can have it because you were always far more invested then I was. I did promise to not make things complicated.' No tears were being held back from either of us. Chloe was the one who moved to her bedroom. I tried to move but I couldn't. nothing I was telling my brain was working. I wanted to follow Chloe and tell her that I was ready but nothing worked anymore. The moment she ended it I could barely breathe or register anything happening externally. I just. Why did it have to be so complicated?


	9. Chapter 9

**The First Make Up.**

* * *

I'm not even going to talk about it. The thing that happened between Chloe and I just. I can't. You would think that because I'm retelling the story to you that it would hurt less but it doesn't and it never will. But trust me when I say this, that was nothing in comparison to what happens later. I thought breaking up hurt, though that's for another time.

So about another month had passed. It was the longest month of my entire life because during that period I had saw Chloe all of 3 times. Ok this was because majority of the time I was either at the recording studio or with Jesse but she wasn't there either. When I was home from what I could tell she never was home. There were no traces of anybody living the apartment besides obviously our possession. There were no dishes, no dirty clothes or clean ones to be honest. It was as if nothing had been touched for the past month. Of course I got worried and called Chloe because despite my heart being ripped into shreds she was still my best friend, at least to me. Chloe never picked up but would text 'I'm fine.'

* * *

The first time I saw Chloe in that one month was during the first week of the break up. She came stumbling home drunk. I remember because she fell to the ground and started yelling at me when I tried to help.

'Beca. Get off me!' She pulled away which just seemed to land her on the floor again.

'Please just let me help you. You're going to hurt yourself.'

'Well duh. You keep getting involved obviously. I can manage on my own.' She walked unevenly to her bedroom. Her words stung and tears welled up in my eye before I quickly wiped them away.

The second time I saw Chloe was when she was in the living room. I had just come out of my bedroom to get some juice from the fridge. She was talking on the phone while watching some show on Netflix. She was laughing at whatever it was the person was saying. I don't think she saw me because she didn't turn around. I was angry because it wasn't me making her laugh. And even if I tried she won't let me. It had been the longest time we went without speaking to each other. I was also jealous because someone else was causing her to smile. I wanted it to be me but I was also glad that she was smiling, even if I wasn't the cause of it.

The third time I saw Chloe I was in the kitchen watching Emily's first music video to her song that we made. It had just been uploaded and I was so happy to see it there. Chloe recognised the song and looked over my shoulder when she came into the kitchen for some food. God she smelt so good. I just wanted to run my hands through her hair and be lost in her scent forever but just as quickly as it happened she disappeared shortly after congratulating me.

* * *

It wasn't until a month had passed and both of us were home one night that we actually had a conversation. At this point in time Jesse had finally started to continue with his life. He just started a new job that he loved and he just got a puppy named Toby. I knew with everything getting better it was a matter of time before I was going to break up with him. I just didn't know if Chloe even cared anymore because she gave me no indication that she did. I could also feel myself losing her every second. I saw Chloe sitting on the couch reading and for some reason watching her read was always one of my favourite things to do. She was so peaceful when she disappeared into another reality. She noticed me staring after a while.

'You know a picture lasts longer.' Chloe murmured.

'I'm sorry. You just have a way of taking my breath away.'

'I'm just reading.'

'I know. Which is stupid because just you reading, has so much control over me.'

'Ha. Now I know that's not true.'

'Of course it is.'

'If it were that simple then we would be together.'

'Chloe-'

'I know the story you don't have to tell me again. Oh you can't because Jesse is sad. Oh Jesse needs you. Jesse this. Jesse that. I'm growing tired of the bullshit.'

'Actually I was just going to say that I'm going to break up with him tomorrow.'

'Wait. What?' Chloe looked up from her book. I started walking towards her until I was on my kneeling on the ground, next to her on the couch.

'Yeah. Jesse is finally becoming stable again and I still want you. Jesse has everything he needs now. After realising that I saw that I didn't have everything I needed. Yes I know I have my career which is booming right now but all of that is because of you. I have everything but the one thing that I need. I need you. I know asking you to take me back after all the shit I have put you through is asking way too much but the only reason why I'm asking at all is because it has finally dawned on me after this 8 years that I'm hopelessly in love with you. I love you so ridiculously much. I don't expect an answer or anything right now. I just had to tell you because I'm tired of running from it. I'm tired of feeling this empty pit in my heart. I'm tired of being the last one to figure out that I'm madly in love with you. And I'm tired of pretending. I'm just tired Chlo' I stood up to leave only to be stopped by Chloe's hand on my arm.

'God, I hate you.' The edges of her lips began to curl. 'I hate that you keep making me come back to you because I love you so much. I kind of hate you for feeling like home.' She was smirking now. 'And I also fucking hate, how much I don't hate you.' She said as she grabbed the back on my neck and kissed me. A groan escaped my lips because I had missed this so much. All the weight on my shoulders fell away because here I was kissing Chloe Beale the girl who changes my entire life. The girl who was my home. I could feel in that moment that all my walls I built to protect myself crumble. This is what it felt like. This is what all those stupid love songs and predictable romantic movies meant when you get the girl. Because I got the girl. I thought so anyway.


	10. Chapter 10

**The First time that it wasn't because of Jesse.**

* * *

Ok so I know at this point you are all probably mad about how I ended things last time we spoke. Chloe says it's one of my worst habits whenever I tell a story because I love to draw the suspense. She hates when I do it but also finds it adorable because I sometimes get carried away with the dramatics. Not the point. I guess the point is going to be hard to get if I actually don't tell the story so basically it started the morning after.

* * *

I had woken up before Chloe did. She was nestled up in my neck, as I was her little spoon. When I woke up I was a little displaced because the night before was but a distant memory. I thought it is a dream. That was until I could feel Chloe's soft, bare arms wrapped around my waist and her naked legs tangled in mine. Her fingers were laced with mine. I traced her inner forearm with my fingers until I could hear a humming behind me. She shifted and pulled me closer. A smile formed on my face before I turned slightly so I could see her. I knew she was semi awake at this point but watching sleep was adorable. Somehow this girl managed to look even more beautiful then she did when she was awake which, if you know her is impossible because she is the most beautiful person in the world. Her hair was in an unruly state from the sleep and found it's way onto her face, obscuring my view of her. I took my free hand and tucked the strands behind her ear when her eyes opened, looking at me with those indescribable blue eyes. We stayed like this for a moment before I spoke.

'Hi.'

'Hi.'

'You are so amazing.' She blushed and tried to hide away behind my shoulder blade but I twisted around more so I could see her properly. 'I'm serious Chloe. I love this. Right now. Waking up to you in the morning. I love being able to lose myself in this moment because I'm here with you. I just love you.'

'God you and your romantic declarations. You've already managed to get in my pants. Who knew Beca Mitchell was the closeted romantic.'

'Shut up. I'm being serious.' I pouted while playing with her curly hair.

'I know. It's just feels weird having you act this way after 8 years of nothing. It's a good weird. The best kind of weird.'

'So I'm weird?' I shot her a look but I couldn't suppress my smile enough.

'Yes unbelievably weird. But you're my weirdness.' She smiled and kissed me.

'Mmmmm the only problem I can think of is how on earth am I going to walk after last night?' I pulled away slightly to let my sentence escape before I could feel Chloe's tongue dancing with mine.

'That good huh?' she mumbled.

'Mmhhmm' I moaned in reply. She pulled me closer and rolled on top. My body matched her movements as I moved with her grinding motions. Our tongue fought for dominance but hers won out. Her lips left mine and trailed down my jawline. She kissed softly along the edges of my neck and down the centre of my chest. My body arched up to meet her lips as she reached stomach. She kept moving lower and lower until my stomach started growling.

'I see that last night worked up an appetite.' She laughed.

'Yeah just a bit.'

'I'll make breakfast.' She got up so quickly that I didn't have a chance to drag her back.

'You're such a fucking tease you know that?' I yelled after her.

'Love you too Becs.' It left a smile on my face after she said it. I laid back down on the bed with a huff. It was definitely mean to leave a girl this sexually frustrated this early in the morning. I could hear Chloe in the kitchen cooking and god the anticipation was building up. I heard a phone go off from the ground somewhere and I got up to investigate. I picked up the phone to realise it was Chloe's. She just got a message from someone called Jane that read

 _Hey babe. Wat happened last nite? U wer supposed to cum over._

Who the hell was Jane?! Was my first question. My other is where the hell did she learn to spell because it clearly wasn't school. The moment I was telling you about ages ago. The moment that hurt more than our break up. Well here it was folks. This was the moment. My emotions could fully process what happened. I know we weren't together but we were certainly far from finished. She was with somebody else. I actually did lose her when I thought I still had a chance. What did last night mean? Nothing made sense. My brain was still tryng piece everything together when Chloe came in with pancakes. The fact that she came storming into my room with no clothes didn't exactly help my judgement either. She gave me a small peck before she handed me a plate and a fork. I went through the motions of eating my pancakes with little talking.

'What's up?' Chloe spoke first.

'Hmm?'

'What's going on in your cute little head?'

'Wh-' I hesitated for a second. I didn't want to know the answer but I needed to know. 'Who's Jane?'

'Wait what?' Chloe spoke almost choking on her pancake.

'I saw the text message on your phone from her.' I passed her the phone.

'You looked at my messages?'

'I thought it was my phone and the message was just on the screen. Who is she?'

'Nobody.'

'So it was nobody's place that you need to be last night?'

'No. It's. She's. Jane is the girl I've been dating for a while.'

'Oh.' Her words stung. ' For how long?'

'What do you mean how long?'

'Well how long? Was it after we broke up?' She paused. I had my answer. I started scavenging around my room for some clothes.

'Wait hold on let me explain. You were with Jesse all of the time. I could feel you pull away.'

'What so you pulled away first?!'

'How are you the one who is angry right now? YOU WERE WITH JESSE!'

'The difference being I NEVER slept with him. I hadn't slept with him for 5 months. That's before we even had our night together. We were done for a long time. He needed me.'

'I- I didn't know that.'

'Obviously because why would I want to talk about my sex life with my boyfriend with the girl I'm in love with.'

'Beca I love you.'

'Just don't. Please.' I shrugged her hand away as I put on my pants. 'I told you time and time again nothing was happening and yet you still didn't believe me.'

'Well would you have believe me if the roles were reversed. You spent almost every night over at his place what was I suppose to think.'

'You were suppose to think that I loved you.'

'How could I when I didn't think you did? You didn't tell me you did until last night. Before then I had no clue how you felt about me.' I paused at the door.

'Why is it every time we finally find some ground between us something else has to stand in the way?' I spoke as I stared at my feet.

'There's nothing now.'

'You have a girlfriend and technically speaking I still have boyfriend.' I turned around walked to the front door.

'Where are you going?'

'To Jesses because I think the longer I stay here I'm going to say something stupid.'

'So you're running off to Jesse's?!' Chloe spoke bitterly.

'Well it's not like I have anywhere else to go.' I closed the door behind me as I left. I fell against the front of our door and slid to the ground.


	11. Chapter 11

**The Face off.**

* * *

Before you bring in the Calvary and shoot me down I'll have you know that I didn't go to Jesse's. After I slid onto the ground I started to get frustrated and then I calmed myself down. After I rationalised everything, about 5 minutes later I stood up and walked back into the apartment. I stopped at the frame of my bedroom door and saw Chloe crying. My body reacted before my brain could and I wrapped myself around her. She jumped at my touch but fell into me when she realised it was me.

'I'm sorry. I'm so sorry Chloe.' I ran one of hands through strands of her hair while the other was wrapped closely over Chloe's shoulder.

'You can't do that.' She muttered through her sniffs. 'You can't just leave when it gets hard. You just can't do that.'

'I know. God I know. I'm so sorry Chloe. I promise I won't do it ever. I'm sorry. I'm a massive idiot.'

'You didn't even let me talk. You just walked out.' Her words stung but they weren't wrong. After my brain processed everything I knew I was being stupid and childish.

'I know. I'm an idiot. I'm so sorry.' I held her face between my hands and looked at her. The tears trailed down her cheeks and her face was red and puffy. This is what I did. I caused this. 'I never meant to hurt you like this. I wish I could rewind 10 minutes from now and stop from walking out.' She wiped her tears with her sleeve and held my hands. She didn't speak for awhile instead played with my hands. Then she spoke, barely audible.

'You came back. You chose me instead of Jesse. You're here.'

'Yeah I did.' I smiled slightly. 'Ok. So explain. Tell me about Jane and I'll try not to get mad.'

'Beca she doesn't matter. She's nobody.'

'Please. I have to know. I need to know.'

'Ok. So it was just before we broke up. I met her one night when I decided that hiding in our apartment for so long waiting for you to come home was beginning to become unhealthy. I needed to leave. Jane came along when she saw me at the bar drinking alone because she said that no one deserved to drink alone. So we got to talking and I told her all about you and she has had similar stories. She told me that falling for your straight best friend is one of the worst things ever imaginable. I told her it was different, that you wanted to be with me. But then she started pointing out the little things that made me realise you were the straight best friend.'

'How could you think that?'

'Shh. I haven't finished. We didn't do anything that night but we started talking a lot more. I could feel the guilt building and that's why I started the argument. She had me convinced that you were the straight girl who was playing with me. I couldn't let myself hurt like that if it was inevitably going to end. Then we broke up and you kept being with Jesse. So I kept reaching out to Jane. She listened to me and comforted me. She was really nice and she was there when you weren't. She took me out on an official date about two weeks ago because she was trying to let me get over you. Which obviously didn't happen because look where I am now.'

'Ok. Did you slept with her?' I took a deep breath in and out.

'Beca-'

'Did you?'

'Yes.' I didn't speak. I couldn't. Chloe eventually broke the silence. 'Beca say something.' Another moment passed before I spoke.

'I can't be upset. I wasn't there when you needed me. It's all my fault. I have no right to act this way. You even said yourself you could wait forever and I shouldn't have expected you to. I just-'

'Beca. It's not all your fault. We are both to blame here. We both had a role in this.'

'So what does this mean?'

'Well I choose you, if you'll have me.'

'Yes, absolutely.' I kissed her. She tasted salty because of her tears. My mouth spoke before I could stop it. 'Can I meet her?'

'What?' Chloe was taken back completely and to be honest so was I.

'I umm. I don't know. I just maybe want to meet her.'

'That's a stupid idea. And dangerous. Stupid and dangerous so no. Not happening.'

'It will be fine. I can handle myself.'

'It's not you I'm worried about.'

* * *

Oh yes it was indeed a stupid idea but I desperately wanted to know who it was. Some weirdly competitive side of me want to know who I was dealing with. Though to be honest looking back now I have lots of sympathy for Jane. It wasn't the easiest thing to deal with.

So Chloe eventually agreed. She set up a lunch for the three of us and surprisingly Jane didn't decline. It was at some café that had one of those weird coffee carts inside which all seemed a little ridiculous but apparently it was because of it's "charm".

'Why am I letting you do this?' Chloe started to panic.

'Nothing is going to happen.'

'I don't believe it for a single second.'

'Gee thanks.'

'You are a firey ball of anger when you want to be. You need to have some warning label before people befriend you.'

'Oh yeah sure. Hi random person it's nice to meet you though before we can take this any further I must warn you I'm just a bundle of rage packed in a small body. Don't let my scowl fool you.'

'Exactly.' She smirked as I rolled my eyes. Chloe sat up straight and changed so quickly when Jane came in. Immediately I hated her a little bit. She was the complete opposite to me. Tall, blonde, unbelievably breathtaking. Why couldn't Jane be some weird troll that hasn't seen the sun in years.

'Hi I'm Jane.' She stretched out her hand.

'Hi. Beca.' I shook hers. It was a struggle to talk to her though because her height strained my neck a little.

'Oh you're her.'

'Yeah.'

'Hmm I imagined you to be different.'

'Well so did I.' Chloe coughed and motioned both of us to sit down, which we did. None of us spoke for a few minutes before Jane broke the silence.

'So what is this exactly?'

'Well Beca wanted to meet you.' Chloe replied.

'And why is that?'

'I wanted to see who was banging my girlfriend.' I sneered. Chloe swatted my arm.

'Excuse you? If I recall correctly straight girl, you have boyfriend and you and Chloe "broke up" from what I know.' She used her fingers as quotations marks.

'Excuse you for assuming I am some straight girl to you. You have no idea how I identify or how I feel about Chloe. You don't know what we've been through.'

'Actually I do because for the past few months she's been telling me everything. How you met at college. How you fell for a Treble which to be honest have no idea what any of that really means. How you played with Chloe's emotions like a rag doll. So yeah I do know a lot about you. But you're right I don't know how you identify so tell me then.' They both stared at me. I had never spoken about my sexuality. I have never labelled it. I fell for Jesse. And then I fell just as hard with Chloe. But it never mattered what they had. It was who they were.

'I. I don't know.'

'Exactly so you need to stop hurting Chloe in the process of you trying to figure out your confused sexuality. She isn't an experiment.'

'She's not the experiment! You will NOT belittle our relationship with labels that don't even matter. You will NOT tell me how to define myself.' I yelled. Well so much for nothing happening.


	12. Chapter 12

**The First Time Hearing Why**

* * *

As you might have guessed the rest of that "meeting" didn't go very pleasantly… I may have almost flipped the table on her… And probably would have if Chloe didn't stop me. The car trip home was silent. Neither of us knew what to say. The years of knowing each other Chloe, never once saw me like that. I think she was scared. I mean I was bloody terrified. I've never in my life done anything remotely violent and then. My emotions got out of hand. It wasn't until later when we were both on the couch and settled before she spoke.

'What the hell was that today?'

'I don't know.'

'You don't know Beca? You almost threw the table at her.'

'I know. I just don't know what came over me. Everything about her made me angry. And then she kept pushing my buttons. I mean seriously harassing my about my sexuality?! What bullshit is that?' Chloe didn't speak. She turned her gaze away from me and onto her toes while she tugged at the ends of her T-shirt. 'What? I know something's wrong.' My voice quieter now.

'It's just. Not that I'm questioning anything or whatever but it's just.. We've never talked about it. Your sexuality. I've always been open to everyone so it's not exactly a secret that swing everyway, depending on the person. You've never said anything. There was that one time at the worlds…'

'I don't like labelling myself. It's stupid none of it matters. All that matters is how I feel about you.'

'I know that labels don't matter. It's just always something I've wondered about, you know. You had those "Straight" girl qualities and then not so straight. I mean does that mean you're bi?'

'"Straight" girl qualities? What is this? An episode of Stereotype interrogations?'

'No. That's not what I meant.'

'Well it sure as hell sounded like it.'

'It's not. I just sometimes don't know what to think when it comes to you.'

'Well think that I love you. That's all that matters.'

'I know. My insecurities just kind of keep creeping up. What if it's a phase for you? What if I'm some phase that you'll leave behind?'

'Phase? Are you kidding me? You are Chloe Beale and if I were to leave you don't you think I would have by now? You, Chloe Beale, is someone I can't escape from and I don't want to.'

'I just don't get why it's so hard to say you're gay. Or Bi. Or pan or whatever else there is.'

'I don't know.'

'But Beca it's just some words that's not going to chang –'

'Because I don't know! I don't know how I identify. I was pretty sure I was straight my entirely life and it everything was just easier because I knew who I was. Now I have no idea. Not since the first time you kissed me. It started something that I was so afraid to admit. But I still don't understand any of it.' I buried my face in hands before I ran them through my hair. We sat there is silence as the minutes ticked by. I was practically a lost puppy at this point because I had no clue where to go from there. After what felt like years my voice was barely audible but rang through the quietness.

'Why?'

'Hmm?' Chloe looked up now and moved a little closer.

'Why did you kiss me? I mean, seriously?! We had been best friends for 8 years and you wait then to kiss me? You could have kissed me earlier, before Jesse. None of this would have happened. Or even later when Jesse and I took that break a few years back. I spent every second of that month glued to your hips. Like come on! Seriously?! Why all of this?' my frustration rung out. I was exhausted.

'Do you really want to know?'

'Yes.'

'I never kissed you before Jesse because I didn't know. I knew there was something about you when we sang titanium. Actually even before that. The first time I saw you I just wanted to know you. I brushed it off because I didn't think I'd see you again and then the shower and auditions and then all of a sudden you were a Bella. After that, everything happened so slowly that I didn't realise how much I loved you until it was too late. But you were with Jesse. Happy for the most part and all I wanted was for you to be happy. I did venture off and date other people because I didn't want to let myself wait for you but no matter what I did I could never ever get you out of my head. When you broke up with Jesse, it was a gift from God. I was like "finally!" But all you ever did was cry or watch ridiculously terrible movies, which I knew was a bad sign because YOU NEVER WATCH MOVIES. I waited because I didn't want to be associated with that. I wanted you to start feeling like yourself again before I did anything and just as you did start feeling normal again, I discover it was because you got back together. And to be truthfully honest I probably wouldn't have kissed you that night. I would have run the other direction but I had gone out with Aubrey that night. Lots of drinking. But she said something that suck with me. "You know the reason you can never be in a serious relationship is because of Beca, right?". I was like what are you talking about. Then she continued to say "You and Beca. It's like that epic story. It's so obvious. You guys have that thing where know each other better than you know yourselves. It's a whirlwind romance." It was the first time I had heard it. It was the first time I admitted it. She was right. I knew when you were angry and upset that all you want is someone to agree with you. I knew that in those rare moments you are being a dork you are secretly rocking out to Taylor Swift in your bedroom. I know that whenever you're sad you just want someone to hold you and not say a single word. And that night you were upset and I managed to make you smile. God that smile. Your famous half smile that has to render people speechless. I just couldn't stop myself at that point so I kissed you. It was magical. So yeah that's why I kissed you then. If I could I would take it back if it would end the internal conflict of yours. I never wanted it to be like this.'

I sprang over to her and caught her lips in mine. She was surprised but quickly recovered and let her hands run up my back.

'I would never let you take it back even if you wanted to. I would do everything the same minus the minor bump that happened. I would do it all again because of this. Because of you.'

I got lost in everything that was Chloe Beale.


	13. Chapter 13

**Back to the beginning**

So for everybody listening to me ramble about my relationship with Chloe it's finally time to rewind to the very beginning, to why Chloe was/ is yelling at me currently. How I managed to tell this story while being yelled at I have no clue. I suppose it's like one of those freeze frame moments when the world just stops. Well I'll start with that morning.

I had grew accustom to being the little spoon. Chloe was always so soft and warm. I loved waking up, nestled into her chest. I woke up to Chloe staring at me while I wriggled. I looked up at her and she was giggling.

'What?' I mustered with my morning voice.

'Nothing.' She smirked.

'Seriously!' I nudged her.

'Hey! No it's nothing. Sleeping with you is like sleeping with a cat.'

'Ew you never told me that you practiced bestiality.' I joked.

'God Beca really? No I mean the actual unconscious kind of sleeping. It's adorable. You kind of just roll up into a little ball and kind of plant yourself onto me and stay there. It's totally cute. Though if I ever want to run away you're making it extremely difficult.'

'Because I'm not going to let you get away again. Ever.' I changed the playful tone quickly. I was being extremely sincere which is obviously a rare occurrence for me.

'And I'll never leave.' She spoke softly before she traced the edge of my jaw with her thumb. I could never tire of those beautiful blue eyes. She leaned in and kissed me. We immediately pulled away.

'God. Bad breath. I'm going to brush my teeth.' I jolted out of bed reluctantly detaching myself from Chloe. As quickly as I could I brushed my teeth, fixed my disaster I called hair and raced back to bed to find Chloe not there. I waited a few minutes thinking she was probably just brushing her teeth too but when those minutes past she wasn't beside me. I grabbed on of her lazy t-shirts and through it over the top of my head and grabbed a clean pair of underwear to slip on. I walked down the hallway and heard the rumblings of kitchen supplies. So naturally I looked around the corner and there she was. Beautiful as ever.

I saw Chloe leaning into the bench top with strands of her loose red hair hanging from the side of her face. She was huddled over a warm cup of coffee scrolling through her phone. It was definitely something I did enjoy watching. I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

'Hey' I said in my sexiest I just woke up voice.

'Hey beautiful.' She turned around and kissed me softly.

'Why didn't you come back to bed?'

'Coffee.'

'Is that all I am to you now?' I joked.

'Well it's seems to be all i am to you' She turned back around to focus on her coffee and Facebook feed.

'What are you talking about?'

'Well what I have been talking about for the past year, Jesse.' She walked to the other side of the bench. I walked closer but every step I took, she took another.

'What is happening right now?' Chloe pushed me away and stood firmly.

'Beca you can't keep doing this to me! I can't keep doing this. It hurts too much. Do you know what it is like to watch you kiss him when all I really want is for you to kiss me without hesitating or being drunk or some other ridiculous reason that you've used in the past? I need you because. URG. I love you Beca Mitchell so stupidly much and whatever this is between us I need to know what it is. I need you to tell me what we mean. What we are. I need to know if you feel the same or if you don't then I'm done! Done with all of this.'

'What are you talking about? We are together. We are girlfriends. We are Beca and Chloe.'

'Then what the hell is this?' She pointed at her phone. Or should I say my phone. I looked at my screen and I had a bunch of miss calls and texts from Jesse.

'We really need to get cases for our phones so we can tell the difference between them. Or just get different phones.'

'Beca I'm being serious here. What is this?'

The messages read as followed:

 _Hey Becs where are you?_

 _Why haven't I heard from you?_

 _Are you getting my calls?_

 _I just need a sign you're alive._

 _This is not how to treat your boyfriend_

 _You can NOT ignore my like this Beca_

 _What the Hell?_

 _If you don't pick up I'm coming over._

 _I'm use to a few days silence but it's been almost 2 weeks._

 _BEEECCCWWWAAA_

It went on for another 17 messages. I looked up at Chloe and took her hand. She didn't pull away from me.

'For 1. It's not cool to look through my phone which I am totally going to forgive because I understand what is probably going through your head right now is probably worst than what is actually happening. 2. This can all be explained. I honestly forgot to break up with him. I know that sounds bad and like a terrible excuse but I'm sorry that I've been living in my little Chloe bubble that I didn't even know the real world existed. This is evident because all of these messages were unread until about 5 seconds ago. And 3. I am so ridiculously in love with you. Do you really think I'm going to finally step of this rollercoaster of emotions just to drag you onto another one? No. Because there is nothing else. This is it. You're mine. Whether you like it or not. This is it.'

'Oh.' She was blushing sheepishly now. 'Well ok. And just for the record, you're it for me too.' I grinned so ridiculously in that one moment. I pulled her closer and kissed her. It was meant to be playfully comforting kiss but it escalated quickly, as did all our kisses of late. My hands ran underneath the thin fabric of her shirt, tracing the outlines of her arching back. As tiny as I am I still managed to place Chloe on the bench in one swift motion. It was either the stupidest or smartest idea because I was way too short to kiss her but I was so much closer to the course of her hips, which just so happened to not have anything obstructing my path. She bent down to kiss me, toying with the elastic of my underwear when the doorbell rang.

'Who the hell is that?' I said untangling myself from her.

'Well we won't know until we open the door.' She quipped.

'Smart ass. Let's pretend we aren't here.'

'As much as I love that idea, it's rude.'

'So is sexual frustration.'

'There is a world outside of sex.'

'It's not a good one.'

'Go get the door.' She smiled. 'Though before you do,' She led my hand between her legs to feel how wet she was. 'A little motivation.' She kissed me.

'You bitch. ' I shook my head as she pushed me away. I huffed as I answered the door and there stood Jesse. Hmmm well this shall be interesting.


	14. Chapter 14

**Hey guys so this will probably be the last chapter unless I can think of something else... I'm open to suggestions.**

* * *

So yes Jesse was standing outside my door. I was half naked with the lingering feeling of Chloe's, dare I say it, wetness. It was not a fun situation. As a matter of fact it was extremely awkward. So awkward that I could literally do nothing but stand there staring at him. He however seemed unfazed by my inability to move and hugged me.

'Hey Becs I missed you.' He kissed me lightly before my body started working again and I pulled away.

'Um. Hi Jesse. What are you doing here?'

'Didn't you get my messages?'

'My phone hasn't been working.'

'Well I wanted to check up on you to see if you were still breathing. Aren't you going to let me in?'

'Um yep totally. Just let me get dressed.'

'Why? I've seen you in less.' He smirked and leaned in again before I ducked under him and backed away.

'Yes this is true but Chloe's here so it's part of the roommate rule. No nakedness on the nice leather couch.' A rule that has been broken more than once by the both of us, not that I mentioned that to him. The guilt started to weight down on me now. Add that to the abundance of lies that I have told Jesse in the past year. He huffed and took a seat on the couch as I walked off into my room to find some pants. When I walked in, I found Chloe instead.

'What is happening right now?' Chloe asked.

'I don't know.' I was diving into my closet to find my lucky pair of black jeans because, let's face it I needed so much luck right now.

'What are you going to do?'

'I don't know.'

'Are you going to break up with him?'

'God I don't know stop asking me all these questions.' She was struck to silence by my answer. It took me an extra second to process of what I just said. 'God ok no that's not what I mean. Yes I am going to break up with him I just don't have this big speech planned. I feel like I need some big final conclusion that won't ruin everything between us. It's Jesse. He has always been a good guy, always. I just don't want to hurt him.' She still didn't say a word. 'Chlo. Say something. Please.'

'You said you don't know. You don't know whether you are going to break up with him. How am I supposed to feel? It was a Freudian slip I get it but some part of you must have meant it. There are always some truth behind words.'

'Chloe. Please believe me when I say I love you. Only you. I said I didn't know if I'd break up with him because I don't know how. If you haven't realised already I have only really been with 3 people in my life including you. My first boyfriend broke up with me when I was 16 for the senior rebel chick. Then Jesse who has been the best guy I've ever met in my entire life. I don't know how to break his heart. Nor do I want to because he is still one of my bestest friends in the whole world. But how do you tell one of your closest friends in the world that you fell in love the sun. The girl who has the ability to light up the whole fucking universe with her smile. The girl who suffers through the touch of my freezing feet and cuddles with me anyway just to warm up my world. The girl who, even in the darkest of times, has the power to lead me to through it so I can see the light. And God I am not stupid enough to let her go twice.' A tear ran down her cheek and I brushed it away with my thumb. She looked up at me and kissed me.

'What the HELL?!' Jesse's voice echoed through the room. We jolted apart. This wasn't exactly the best look either. Chloe still only wearing a t-shirt and me standing up without my pants done up.

'Hold on let my explain.' I shout after Jesse as he turned around. I managed to fix my pants up when I reached him at the door. 'Please let me explain.'

'Explain what? That you're cheating on me? That you've been gay this whole time and I was some boy toy to play around with?'

'No! Please give me 10 minutes. If after that you still have nothing else to say and never want to talk to me again then ok. I understand. I just need to explain everything first.' My heart beat was racing as I waited for him to reply. It took him a while but then he spoke.

'Ok. Fine. Explain.' He stormed into the living room and sat down.

'Yes. Good. Ok. Where do I start?'

'Maybe from when this whole thing began.'

'Well there are a few beginnings.'

'A few?!'

'Not what it sounds like. Ok so there was a moment in the shower. We had only really met the one time on orientation day and Chloe overhears me singing in the shower. To which she decides to barge in naked and demand I sing with her. Which I reluctantly did. That was the beginning of everything but nothing happened not really –'

'Hold on what do you mean not really?'

'Well there was this one time she told me that she wished she had experimented more. Not the point. Nothing really happened until last year.'

'Wait this has been going on for a year?!'

'Yes.'

'Did we ever mean anything then? If it started all the way back to freshman year?'

'God yes of course we meant something. I fell in love with you Jesse. You were the first person I let myself trust. I use to push people away because it was easier.'

'Then why?'

'It wasn't anything immediate. It just happened. One night Chloe kissed me. Which was very confusing for me because for some reason I felt something. Then the next day we acted as if nothing happened so I dismissed it. But just because I put it in the back of my mine didn't mean that it wasn't there. So I continued to ignore it. It was harder to ignore because our problems kept piling up and we could never get past any of them. We coped by having sex. We didn't talk about anything when we needed to. Given I am not an overly talkative person, not that it easy to believe right now, so I initiated it. But you never stopped me. You never wanted to talk either. Then we started spending more time apart. The more time I was away from you, the more time I was with Chloe. We acted like best friends but little things started to change. Like the way I saw her. Then I started drinking a lot because we kept fighting and the company was getting to stressful and Chloe was just kind of always there. It wasn't easy for either of us. I was going to tell you sooner. But then your mother died.'

'Oh so what you took pity on me was that it?'

'No. Jesse. I still loved you just differently. I wanted to be there for you. I needed to be there for you but if I told you then you wouldn't have let me. You would have crashed. I couldn't let you do that. I couldn't be the cause of that.'

'So what you decide to drag me around for a few more months?'

'No. I wanted for you to have your life back. I wanted to help pick up the little pieces. Do you remember that night I came to your house in absolute tears and I refused to tell you why?'

'Yeah.'

'It was because Chloe and I broke up. It hurt like a bitch but it didn't matter because Jesse you mattered. You mean so much to me.'

'Then why Chloe? Why not me?'

'Because I fell in love with my best friend. The exact moment I knew was when I saw her reading one day. I felt it. Something that I haven't felt in a long time. Just that moment was enough to render me speechless. Jesse that hasn't happened to me since we watched the ending of the Breakfast Club in my dorm together. You were such a dork. That feeling though just keeps growing whenever I see her. I didn't know I could love someone this much Jesse. I'm scared. It different with me and her. And you know that things haven't been the same between us for an extremely long time.'

'It doesn't mean it doesn't hurt.'

'I never said that, nor do I expect it. Do you think it doesn't hurt me? I don't want to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. All I want is for you to be happy. You deserve so much more than I can give you because I have nothing left to give. I'm so sorry.' The next thing he said surprised me the most.

'You shouldn't be scared. I heard you before about what you said to Chloe. That feeling you that you are running towards a train heading a million miles towards you. Don't be scared. Don't play chicken. Just crash hopelessly together. God I love you so much Beca.' He started crying. 'All I want is for you to have that feeling, to be more than just content. Be happy ok?' I reached over the embrace him but he stood up. 'Don't just don't. I need to leave.' He walked to the door leaving me on the couch and left.

* * *

 **Maybe I'll finish with a Fluff piece? Do you guys want one?**


	15. Chapter 15

**So the Fluffy chapter because fluffy is nice. Also a little smut because I've been teasing it so I decided to be nice :)**

* * *

That did just happen. I sat on the couch kind of hopelessly awestruck by what just happened. Chloe knew well enough to leave me with my thoughts. Wow it was official. Jesse and I broke up. It felt weird. Not bad weird. Just weird. What if that's the end everything? What if we don't talk anymore? This feeling was bothering me all day.

Chloe and I did really speak until that night. Which might have seemed difficult considering she made me lunch and dinner. I just finished washing the dishes when I saw her laughing at the TV. This was why. Why I had to break up with him. I mean just look at her. Everything about her was so beautiful. There were no words to describe it. I went over and sat down next to her.

'Hey.' I said as I tugged at her sleeve.

'Oh hey there.' She lifted her arm up so I could burrow myself by her side.

'So it's over.' She turned the TV off and faced me.

'I know.' Her expression was hard to read. She was happy that it was finally over but I could see she was worried about me. I ran my finger over the tiny crinkle in her brow and she smiled.

'Do you know what this means now?'

'What?'

'There is nothing between us now. I'm all yours.'

'And I'm yours.' She leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. I pulled away slightly to look into her blue eyes. I brushed the side of her cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

'God you're beautiful.' I whispered. I hooked my hand on the back of her neck and drew her closer. Our lips collided together as she pushed me onto my back. Our kiss quickly deepened and my hand ran along her waist causing her to stiffen a little moan. She moved against me and accidentally turned on the TV. We both laughed at the sudden noise.

'You know, as nice as this couch is, I think we should move it the bedroom.'

'Now how did I ever find someone as smart as you?' Chloe smirked and tugged me towards my bedroom.

'So now we are together does this mean we're sharing a room now?' I questioned as she pushed me onto the bed.

'Well we have technically have already been doing that. I mean you're wearing my shirt.'

'This is true.' I looked down at the said shirt.

'Unless you don't want to.'

'And miss out on morning sex? Um no thank you.'

'So I'm just morning sex huh?' She was straddling me at this point but not letting me get close to her.

'Well no.' I said rolling on top. 'You are also shower sex, kitchen sex, couch sex, wall sex.' I joked.

'Oh really?' She tried to keep a straight face but couldn't help the edge of her lips curling. I turned us over so I was on top now.

'I guess there are other things too. There's those cute little smiles you do when you catch me staring at you. Or how don't push me out of bed despite the fact I steal all the blankets. Or how you are unbelievably smart and sexy.'

'Beca Mitchell if you are trying to get in my pants right now you are doing a great job.' She grinned.

'And you have a really nice ass.' I smirked as my hand firmly grasped her. She rewarded me with a gasp.

'I could say the same.' Her hands gripped onto my ass pushing our hips closer together. A hand found its way and traced the outline of my spine. She pulled me towards her and kissed me. Our tongues fighting for dominance which hers eventually won out. I started grinding on top of her building the much needed friction between us. She flipped us again so she could straddle me once again.

'Now, now. I want to play first.' She teased and pulled off her shirt in one swift motion. My hands reacted immediately as they ran along her waist and found their way to her bra. What can I say? I'm a boob man. I unclasped her bra with one hand, my lips attaching themselves to her. I sucked and played her with my tongue. Once I was satisfied I turned my attention to her other side. The sounds that elicited from her mouth created a pool of wanting between my legs. She moaned and grunted before she detached herself from me.

'Like I said I want to play first.' Her heavy breathing broke up her sentence. I loved that I could do that to her. She played with the edge of my shirt as she kissed me. It was torturous so I yanked my shirt off over my head.

'Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Now you'll just have to wait a little longer.' She took my hands grazed them along the length of her body before standing up.

'What?'

'Patience.'

'You're a bitch you know that.'

'Well I try.' She slowly and painfully slid her jeans off. I wanted so much to touch her but I knew her game. If I did I couldn't play. 'Now let's see what we can do about these.' She tugged at my waistband and popped the button. She toyed with my jeans slipping them off deliberately slow. Once they were off she resumed her place in my lap and teased my tongue with hers. She laid me on my back as her hands explored my body. I bent my knee to meet her core and she groaned a little. She moved steadily against my knee as her hand travelled to the elastic of my underwear. Chloe's fingers ran along me.

'Oh god.' I breathed.

'Mmm. I do love it when you are so wet for me.' She spoke sultrily in my ear. I bucked towards her fingers, which made her laugh a little.

'Please, Chloe. I-'

'You what?'

'God I need you so much right now.'

'I didn't peg you as the religious kind.' Chloe teased.

'Chloe.' I growled.

'Yes?'

'I need you, like now. Seriously.' I whimpered. A grin broke out and she happily complied. She slipped one finger inside of me and I gasped. She started to move in and out before she paved a path of kisses along my neck, then the dip in my chest and my stomach, moving lower and lower. She finally reached where I needed her too and an abundance of incomprehensible sounds escaped me. She added another finger while her tongue was drawing circles on my clit. I was close and Chloe knew it. Her fingers started to curls.

'Oh Shit! God! Fuck! Chlo I'm coming!' I tightened around her fingers as my orgasm rippled through me. I could feel her smile against me as she let me ride out my orgasm.

'Mmm. You taste incredible.' I pulled her up to meet me and kissed her.

'I'm so in love with you.' I stroked her hair.

'Me too Becs.'

'Now my turn.' I smirked devilishly. Chloe wouldn't be able to walk for the week once I've finished.


End file.
